My Reading Spot

Last week I was spoke at our Stake Women’s conference about finding Joy in our Covenants.  A little history: For those who might not know, our congregations are separated geographically into wards (or branches) and then a collection of wards makes up a larger stake.  We currently have 8 wards, or congregations, in our stake. Our church is also a lay ministery, all jobs or “callings” are non-paid and volunteer.  People are asked to serve in different jobs or callings, out of their own time.  I have served in many different capacities as a teen and as an adult.  I am currently serving as a counselor of the Stake Relief Society Presidency, the women’s organization in our church.

Sidenote: I have served in many different ward Relief Society presidencies over the years, I kinda LOVE Relief Society.  But when I was asked to serve as a member of the Stake Relief Society I felt very inadequate. One thing that I have learned over the years is that no matter the calling, if I pray and follow the spirit, I should never be afraid to accept any calling…even if that means stretching and growing in ways I didn’t think possible….like Girls Camp director, because that one really, really stretched me and scared me, but in the end I cried when I got asked and I cried when I was done, because I LOVED it.

Back to our Women’s Conference.  In the fall we were having a presidency meeting to plan and finalize some speakers.  I had been rushing around all morning getting kids out the door for school and coming off a weekend where I had really been struggling with feeling inadequate in life.  I hope that makes sense, and I hope I’m not the only one that has days/weeks like that. I just didn’t really feel I had much to offer, but I was going to go to my meeting.  I was in my bedroom getting my shoes to hurry out the door when I had the distinct impression to sit down and pray that I would accept and be willing to do whatever it was that Donna (our Stake Relief Society President) asked of me that day.  I wasn’t sure where that came from – but I followed the spirit and did it.

And then during our meeting Donna announced that she felt I was the right person to speak at our women’s conference about finding joy in our covenants.

Say what??!!!  I’m embarrassed to admit, I told her I had to think about it for a while, and then had to repent for even telling her I needed to think about it.  I am not a presenter, I am not a speaker. I am not a teacher.  But last Saturday I did just that.  I had a power point presentation, but I thought it would be nice to record my thoughts on my blog.  So while I normally post about books and occasionally about running, today I’m throwing an entirely different kind of post in the mix.

We opened the morning with a couple questions I posed to the group.  I asked these using the website PollEverywhere. (click for more information) This way women could answer anonymously and hopefully give real, honest answers.  I would suggest getting a paper out if you are reading this and really trying to answer these honestly yourself. I am going to list a few of the answers, but obviously I cannot put them all here.

• What does living your covenants every day look like to you?

Some of the answers included: service, reading scriptures, praying, going to church,wearing temple garments, going to the temple, baby steps, remembering Jesus Christ daily, trying my best. 

• What keeps you from doing these things?

This is where things got interesting, because we all know what we should be doing, but what keeps us from doing them? I appreciated some of the honest answers we received: laziness, distraction, pressure to be perfect, change, Netflix (one of my favorite and probably most true answers!), life, not prioritizing, getting down on myself.

Next up if we know what we should be doing, and we know what distracts us – the next question is  –  what do we do with this – how do we overcome these obstacles?  

• How do we practically apply this to our every day lives? 

Some of thee answers I really appreciated: Just do it, make a plan, go to the temple, prioritize, start small, scriptures before any other app on my phone, pray for the desire

And last, but not least –  if we know what we should be doing, and we know what distracts us – and we have some ideas of how we can apply this – how do we have JOY doing it?  Because there is a big difference between serving,and serving with joy, reading our scriptures and feasting upon the word.  How do we take these things and have JOY?

• How do we find JOY in living our covenants every day?

Positive attitude, slow down, hug my family, get more sleep, discover your true why, do it with friends, count your blessings, start with something you like, not looking at it as a chore.

We had some really great and honest answers to all our questions.  I then shared 5 points that I had come up with that I have found help me find JOY in living my covenants. 

• Keep Moving
• Prioritize
• Help Others & Accept Help
• Be Happy NOW
• Seek the Holy Ghost & Rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

1. Keep Moving

Small and simple things can still keep us on a covenant path.  I think we as women really struggle falling into the comparison trap, but it’s important to remember we should never compare our chapter one with someone else’s chapter twenty.  We each have a path and we can each make small decisions every day to keep moving. 

When I moved to Lehi, 20 years ago, I moved here to help one of my sisters who had just had triplets. It could be overwhelming to look at the big picture but during that first year my sister taught me small and simple things still made progress. Many days, when they first came home from the hospital, her to-do list consisted of “take a shower, drink a diet coke and keep babies alive”  Small and simple things.  My sister didn’t worry about weekly temple attendance, making sure she had taken homemade cookies to all the sisters she visit taught, or making homemade family home evening lessons out of felt. She worried about small and simple things. I learned a lot by watching her. We should celebrate each season of life we are in and remember to do what we can, with what we have.  A few years ago I had many small kids at home, we lived far away from a temple, and I felt like all I could do was teach my kids about the temple, sing them songs and show them pictures. Small and simple things. I kept moving. And now my kids are almost all in school all day and I can attend every week, and take some of them with me. Small baby steps.

I love running, and I’m also not very fast – so one of my favorite running jokes is “the person who finishes last gets the most out of their race entry fee.”  And while it’s kinda funny, it’s true.  The marathoner who finishes last, still ran 26.2 miles, the same miles that the person who finished first. One foot in front of the other we can all make small progress and celebrate those small and simple things.

2. Prioritize

“We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.” President Dallin H. Oaks * https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/good-better-best?lang=eng

When I think about covenants, and finding joy in my life, I always hear President Oaks voice in my head – what is good, better or best?  When living in Washington my calling was serving in a Relief Society Presidency and I was over all the activities.  We had one about once a month at the time.  Wade was also in residency, working 60+ hours some weeks, and I had 4 kids under the age of 6.  Life was chaos and crazy.  I distinctly remember standing at my kitchen counter one afternoon, trying to finish something on my computer for our activity that night, the kids were in the living room next to me, watching probably their 20^th hour of tv for the day, and I had a sink full of dirty dishes.  I don’t know why it bothered me, but above all else, I just wanted my dirty dishes done.  I have always liked going to bed with a clean kitchen and I knew time was getting short, I had to feed the kids, I had to get to the activity, set it up and I still just wanted to wash the dishes. I sat down at the table feeling defeated and crying over the dishes, when the spirit whispered to me “good, better, best.”

I let the dishes go.  I knew that the best decision that night would be helping my family and helping the women in in my ward feel the spirit.  My kids got McDonalds drive thru – and they helped me set up for the activity, and the activity (I don’t even remember what it was) worked out.  I do remember coming home relieved and rejuvenated from spending time with the sisters in my ward and fulling my calling.  I had the energy I needed and cleaned my kitchen and went to bed knowing I had made the right decision. Sidenote: my oldest kids will tell you – some of their favorite memories made in Washington are Relief Society memories, because they always got McDonalds.

Sometimes finding joy in our covenants is letting GO of what we think we need and want and our own will and doing what our Father asks of us. Choosing the best.

3. Serve – and let others serve you!

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”  -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf * https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/you-are-my-hands?lang=eng

There is something special that happens to your heart when you serve others.  I know if I am ever having a bad day, one of the easiest ways to fix it is serve someone else, even just something as easy as a compliment. 

This Christmas I found myself in a funk and grumpy mood.  Our kids had stumped us with their lists and we were feeling pretty uninspired with what to get them or what to do. It was the week of Christmas, to late for even Amazon to come through – and my husband had the day off, so we knew we had to go to shopping.  My heart was just not in it. I did not want to go.  But as we left the house that day I noticed that my neighbor, who I knew was at work at the time, had her garbage cans still at the side of her house and it was garbage day.  Anyone knows, if you don’t get your garbage out the week before Christmas, then you are really in trouble!  So after some quick thinking, I asked my husband to pull over.  I was going to take her trash out.  He kinda grumbled and waited, but we got her trash to the curb and continued on our way.  Till a few houses down I noticed ANOTHER friend didn’t have her trash out either.  And her husband was out of town!  I knew we had to help her too.  So we pulled over.  And guess what?  Her trash bins were empty – but not because they had been emptied  – no, I did a little snooping around and found out her trash was all piled up in her backyard by her back door…I’m sure this something her husband usually took care of, but he was gone.  So there I was, sneaking around her backyard, hoping she wouldn’t catch me, gathering all her trash. After returning to the car my husband turned to me and said, “Can we go shopping now?”

To which I replied, “No way!  Let’s see who else needs their trash taken out!”  I was having so much fun!  My husband, he was rolling his eyes… but my heart had been changed from those tiny acts of service.

On the flip side of this, we also need to remember that we need to allow others to serve us!  This is sometimes hard for us as women, we like to appear strong and in control!  We never want to admit that we need any help.

Last spring one of my kids ran for something at school and lost.  It was a little sad and heartbreaking, it’s always tough on your mommy heart to watch your kid learn those hard life lessons.  We don’t always win at life. We came home from school feeling discouraged.  An hour later, I had a text from a friend asking what my son’s favorite candy bar was….she was standing at the gas station and wanted to get him something.  A few minutes later, 3 sisters who I had previously served with in a Relief Society – and their kids – were standing on our porch with WAY too much gas station candy!  The kids all headed downstairs, ate candy for days, and played video games while we sat upstairs and visited about anything from vacation to puppies.  And it was in that moment it hit me; my heart was full because we opened our heart and door to service.  By letting those amazing women and children into my home that day our hearts were lifted.  We have to let others serve us.

This was also about the same time that Ministering had been introduced and many women I had talked too were confused and wondering how this new program would look.  As I sat in my living room that day – and heard the kids downstairs playing games and eating gas station candy – I had the thought that THIS was ministering.  It didn’t matter that some of those women weren’t in my ward or even my stake any more, they showed up, they loved, they served.  That is what ministering is to me.  Serving and allowing others to serve you. 

4. Be Happy NOW

 “The way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.” -Joseph B. Worthlin
*https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng

Sometimes in life, things happen.  Life happens.  And we just need to learn to let go – and be happy no matter what comes what may. 

Our family is not a musical family.  We have some ability, but we are not the family that comes to mind when you think “who is going to sing the musical number today?”  But one of my favorite lessons about learning to be happy comes from when we were asked to sing a musical number for sacrament meeting.

When we were asked, our youngest was 4 or 5 and had participated in many primary programs, so we thought everyone was old enough to stand up front together and sing without parental involvement.  Boy were we wrong. 

Despite all our practice at home, we were nowhere prepared for our shy,-quiet-won’t talk to anyone- little 4 year old Lucy to turn into rock start diva when she got to the microphone. We still don’t know where that came from! She grabbed the microphone and pulled it right to her mouth and started yell/singing her part. Which in turn, made her older, perfectionist, sister super mad, who then tried to take the microphone and put it back in its correct position.  The boys – who were supposed to be patiently waiting their part – somehow got the giggles and couldn’t stop laughing at their sisters.  The girls continued their fighting over the microphone and the boys continued giggling.  At one point, the pianist (bless her heart) stopped playing and said “We are going to start over”  Mind you – this is ALL GOING DOWN IN SACRAMENT MEETING.  I’m not even joking, my husband tried to lay down in the pew.  We were all mortified.  The girls were crying because they had been fighting, then the boys were crying because I had promised everyone brownies if they did a good job and they figured at this point they probably wouldn’t get brownies.  Everyone was crying.  And everyone in the congregation was laughing.  It was pretty memorable.

We made it home that day, and ALL had brownies, despite our performance, even took some to our pianist.  And now, years later, it’s one of our favorite stories to laugh about.

But there was that one moment.  That one thought that whispered to me: This is horrible.  How will I EVER come back to church?  We should just skip.  We shouldn’t come back.  We are not good enough.

But letting that voice win, is just like letting Satan take us down.  He puts those doubts there.  Not Heavenly Father.

As time has gone on we have also used this to talk to our kids about so many important lessons.  Sometimes in our church we are asked to do things we really don’t to do – sometimes we are asked even though we feel others might be more qualified.  But we can all accept callings and try our best.  That is all the Lord asks of us. We learned that day – that we can do hard things and live through it if we don’t do them perfectly.

I realize that this example is pretty silly and really funny.  But real trials happen in our life too.  Really hard things.  I am no stranger to those things either. In the past 6 years we’ve faced losing loved ones, health emergencies, loss of job, financial strain, anxiety, depression… just to name a few….our life is not perfect. Some days you just have to cry it out and eat some brownies.  Because that helps.  But I believe it’s the mindset you face things with that really makes the difference.

It is my testimony that we have to learn to laugh!  We have to learn to have joy thought our trials and not let the adversary win!  Heavenly Father wants us to be happy!

5. Seek the Holy Ghost & Rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ

“The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life.” -Julie B. Beck * https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/and-upon-the-handmaids-in-those-days-will-i-pour-out-my-spirit?lang=eng

One of my favorite church speakers is Sister Julie Beck.  I LOVE this quote by her – the ability to qualify for, receive and act on personal revelation is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL that can be acquired in this life.  Just think about it!  It really makes so much sense.  If we want to have joy in life, we really must have the spirit with us.  Heavenly Father wants us to have the spirit with us, He wants to be there for us and to help us.  President Oaks came to our little 5^th ward this past summer – when he spoke he shared these two truths with us, and they have stuck with me ever since. (this is paraphrasing his thoughts).  Know that you have a Heavenly Father and know that He loves you.

I believe that when we know and truly believe these things, we can find a real joy in our life and living our covenants.

In Mosiah 5: 4-5 King Benjamin had just finished teaching and the people had just experienced a mighty change of heart.  They truly believed and where converted and it was with faith that they found JOY in their covenants.  When we personalize it it’s easier to see how this can apply to us;

4 And it is the faith which I have had on the things which our prophet has spoken unto me that has brought me to this great knowledge, whereby I do rejoice with such exceedingly great joy.
5 And I am willing to enter into a covenant with my God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command me, all the remainder of my days,

It has been my experience and my testimony that when I celebrate small and simple things, when I prioritize, when I serve, and let others serve me, and allow the spirit in to my life, that my desire changes, that I want to live up to my covenants and that  I am able to find joy in my life.

I hope you all can find what works for you and find JOY in your covenants.